


Out to Play

by NewWonder



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, Law has a potty mouth, M/M, set in the indefinite future after Dressrosa, this is seriously stupid and I'm not even sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 05:28:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3162986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewWonder/pseuds/NewWonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Luffy asked, "Hey Traffy, what's sex?" Law knew better than to actually explain the notion in words. After all, Luffy would likely stop paying attention after the second word, the dolt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out to Play

Law foolishly thought he had already learned to withstand Strawhat's… strawhatness. When he got an unexpected, live, furry adornment to his hat, he dealt (barely). When Strawhat insisted on cheerfully ruining every single one of his carefully thought-out plans, Law dealt and persevered. When the damn Strawhat so casually claimed him as one of his own, a _nakama_ , Trafalgar nearly lost it, but still he dealt. He told himself he was still his own person with his own crew, and Strawhat's word held no power over him, and Law could very well walk away right at that moment if he wished to, and never see the grinning hellspawn again in his entire life. _He was not Strawhat's to save._

(He thought he wasn't Cora-san's to save, too; and look where that got him.)

Apparently he was doomed to be forcedly rescued by hopeless idiots who wouldn't listen to a single word of his protests. They would just smile and tell him something intolerably sappy, before they went and died for him.

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), Luffy was much stronger than Cora-san. He stood up to Doflamingo, and fought, and won, and survived—barely.

He was pretty lively already, though. At least, the cook didn't hesitate to evacuate him out of the kitchen via foot. Strawhat flew pretty high and landed mighty loudly. Law told himself he wasn't concerned. Strawhat was rubber, after all; he'd bounce right back.

And Luffy promptly did just that, and Trafalgar told himself he didn't feel relieved.

So when Luffy asked, one sunny day, "Hey Traffy, what's sex?" Law wasn't even surprised. Almost.

"Why do you ask, Strawhat?" he carefully inquired.

"Dunno. Heard somewhere. Does it have anything to do with meat?" Luffy licked his lips. He was drooling a bit.

"Hmm… I guess you could say so," Law smirked. Strawhat lit up like a beacon. Law chuckled. He idly considered siccing Strawhat with his sex questions on the damn cook who fed him onigiri with those despicable pickled plums. Ah, revenge would be so sweet.

Jokes aside, though, Trafalgar knew better than to actually explain the notion in words. After all, Luffy would likely stop paying attention after the second word, the dolt. Still, he tried.

"What do you know about procreation, Strawhat?" he asked.

"Procre— precri— what? Is that like pancakes?" Luffy's eyes were wide and entirely devoid of any sign of understanding.

"…Procreation, Strawhat. The making of children."

"Ah, that. The sea brings them, no? It gave Sanji to his old man, and Nami to her mom. I'm not sure about reindeer, though. Maybe the sea brought Chopper to that doctor hag, too!"

Law stared.

"Just how old are you, Strawhat?" he asked blankly.

"Huh? I'm nineteen! But you know that already!"

"Then _you_ must already know that children are made by sticking a man's dick into a woman's cunt and making repetitive pumping movements. That's called 'sex'. After it, children happen. Sometimes they don't, but most people aren't so lucky."

"Ehh? Why would people do that?" Luffy was now picking in his ear. It looked disgusting; Law silently wept. Why did his destiny have to be so cruel as to land him in this thrice-damned alliance?

"Because it feels good, Strawhat. Certainly not to make children. Well, in most cases."

"Hmm. Okay, show me!" Luffy ordered. Law gaped at him.

"Just what do you want me to show you?"

"Eh? Are you stupid, Traffy? We were just talking about sex. Show me!"

"Do I look like a woman to you, Strawhat?" the fragile thread of Law's patience was drawn taut to the point of snapping.

"So two guys can't have sex?" Luffy looked disappointed. Law staunchly refused to pay that any mind.

"…As a matter of fact, they can. But I'm still not showing you. Fuck off."

He was lucky Sanji came out at the exact same moment to announce…

"Dinner!"

Law barely blinked, and the mop of wild black hair magically disappeared from his personal bubble and materialized in the kitchen with the usual joyful demands of, "Meat!!"

If Luffy wanted… _meat_ so much, he could certainly provide, Law unexpectedly thought. After all, Strawhat wasn't exactly bad-looking.

Law frowned. No! That way lay madness and inappropriate fraternizing. He had enough problems with Strawhat being just his ally, the sex would only unnecessarily complicate things, no matter how good Strawhat's body looked or how bright his smile was.

Damn it, now Law was thinking unprofessional thoughts! He promptly dug out the dullest book in the library and decisively stuck his nose into it. With any luck, Strawhat would've forgotten all about their little talk by the end of the dinner. Law was even ready to go hungry for half a day, to make sure Strawhat stayed away from him until he was over his stupid idea.

* * *

By the end of the day Law was so hungry and grumpy he barely managed to fall asleep. It seemed like not a minute have passed until there was something warm and heavy sitting on his nether regions, hotly whispering in his ear:

"Traffy. Hey. Wake up. Traffyyyyyy. Heeeey. Let's have sex, Traffy."

Law jolted upright, suddenly wide awake. Strawhat fell down on his back, reflexively clasping his legs around Trafalgar's waist. Now wasn't that just peachy.

"Get the fuck out of my bed, Strawhat," Law ordered, too tired, grumpy and aroused for politeness. Stupid Strawhat, whispering in people's ears like that. Thankfully, his blanket was safely covering the consequences.

"No! You said sex feels good, I wanna try!"

"Go try it with your navigator, or something," Law felt obliged to suggest, even if he kind of disliked the option for some reason.

"Naw, Nami'll just kick me in the head."

"Do you think I won't?"

"Nope, Traffy's nice," Luffy cuddled close to him and yawned with a sigh. "I like Traffy. You'll show me, right?"

"Tomorrow," Law said, merely to distract Luffy (or so he told himself). "I'm tired. Let's sleep."

"Okay!" Strawhat grinned and plopped his stupid noggin on Law's chest with the loudest snore. Law silently cursed his fate and tried getting up to take Strawhat back to the men's quarters. He failed entirely: Strawhat was like a giant skinny octopus clinging to Law with a few dozen limbs (that is, if octopi could snore). Law futilely tried again and again, his efforts weaker each time; he felt his own eyelids lower, the world becoming blurry, the warmth that Strawhat exuded like a furnace making Law drowsy.

He woke up late in the morning to Strawhat's huge eyes intently staring at his face. Law nearly jumped.

"The fuck, Strawhat," he definitely didn't wheeze.

"Are you rested now? I didn't even wake you up for breakfast because you were so tired!"

Law's stomach grumbled his thanks.

"Actually, I could use a breakfast right now," he pushed Luffy off and groggily got up. "What time is it?"

Judging by the position of the sun, it was past noon already. Law had never slept so late before. He did feel unusually well-rested, though.

Strawhat was trawling after him, no doubt hoping to get an afternoon snack, too. The cook, as usual, was fawning over the women who were sunbathing on the deck. He turned a disdainful stare at the pair of them at Luffy's cheerful, "Sanji!"

"What the hell do you want, you lazy asses?"

"Food," Law stated.

"FOOD!" Luffy proclaimed in unison.

The chef scoffed but provided. Law was finishing off his grilled fish (he decided he liked the cook a bit more after he was presented with the food he actually liked) when Luffy, his belly still round after he stuffed himself with what looked like a whole pig, licked his fingers, got up and draped himself all over Law.

"Neeee Traffyyyy, you promised," he whined.

It seemed like Law was doomed to actually have sex with this… this monkey. Well, he reasoned, it wasn't like he had anything better to do at the moment, anyway.

* * *

"There are several ways to have sex," he started once they were in his bedroom.

"Ehhh? But you said a man has to put his—"

"That's the most common way, but it's not the only one. And don't interrupt me!"

"Okay, okay. Traffy sure is grumpy today!"

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Luffy whistled innocently. Law sighed and went on:

"The easiest way is to use your hands. Just like masturbation, but mutual," Law looked at Luffy. What he saw filled him with horror. There was by far the most innocent expression in the history of ever on Luffy's face, lips bitten uncomprehendingly, large eyes wide open, long eyelashes looking terribly fluffy.

"Say, Strawhat… have you ever masturbated?" To think that Law had to talk with Strawhat about _that_. How was it his life.

"What?" That dreaded answer again.

"Masturbated? Jerked off? Played with yourself?"

No comprehension dawned on Strawhat's face. Law cursed his life.

"Did _this_ to yourself?" He stuck his hand inside Strawhat's pants and stroked the soft member, feeling it twitch and gradually become harder. Luffy gasped, his mouth an 'o' of surprise. His eyelashes fell, his cheeks flushed pink, and Luffy bit his lip in an effort not to moan—an effort that proved futile anyway.

"Feels—feels awesome, Traffy," he panted.

"My name is Tra-fal-gar. Say it," Law demanded cruelly, lazily stroking him until Strawhat was fully hard and leaking. Was it his very first sexual experience? Law couldn't decide how exactly he felt about it, but he was starting to get excited himself. A flushed, writhing, moaning Strawhat looked _good_. Law had never seen Strawhat come this undone before, eyes darkened and his head thrown back with abandon. The thought that it was his doing filled him with some strange sense of power. Strawhat was a wild beast, forceful and untamed, and to see him shake and whimper Law's name (if still butchered and mangled into a mockery of a nickname) made Law feel like the king of the world.

Luffy pushed his hips into Law's hand, arms wrapped around Law and eyes closed tightly, his cries becoming louder, and Law couldn't contain himself. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Strawhat's tan, wiry neck that was starting to glisten with sweat. The taste of Luffy's skin—like sea and smoke and promise—made Law dizzy. He pushed his knee between Strawhat's thighs and bit the shell of his ear, Strawhat's unruly hair tickling his nose. The fingers of his other hand counted the bumps of Strawhat's spine, sliding down, reaching below the waist of Luffy's shorts. The closeness of Strawhat's body, lean and hot and slick with sweat, made him feel drunk, intoxicated and exhilarated.

Strawhat shuddered and came noisily, making a mess of Law's palm. Law wiped his hand on Luffy's shorts and smirked.

"So, how did you like it?"

But it seemed that Strawhat temporarily lost the ability to speak. Who knew it was so easy to shut him up. Maybe Strawhat's stupid idea would actually turn out to be advantageous for Law.

"Traffy, you're the best!" Strawhat joyfully screamed when he was done gasping and wheezing. "That was AWESOME!"

He threw his hands around Law's neck and drew him in for a messy, slobbery, heady kiss. It seemed that Strawhat had never kissed anyone before, either. It wasn't particularly surprising, of course, considering Strawhat had never felt the need to so much as pleasure himself, so Law diligently taught his new pupil the basics of kissing and was satisfied to find out that Strawhat was a quick study—with his mouth, at least. That mouth, always blabbering or chewing on something, driving Law insane with all the chatter—it was high time Strawhat finally put it to good use. Law bit Luffy's lower lip, and drank in his moan like good wine.

They were pressed flush against each other, legs tangled together and hands wandering, and, of course, Luffy was bound to notice the state of Law's own dick sooner or later. To say that it was excited by the activities would be a huge understatement.

"Hey Traffy, why didn't you say anything! Imma do you, too!" Luffy declared, and nearly torn Law's pants opening them.

"Careful," Law scolded. Luffy's palm was forceful, the pressure a bit too strong, so Law corrected his unlikely pupil and ordered him to go, "Slower!" "No, not so strong, are you trying to rip it off?" "Twist your hand near the head, like this," until he was entirely satisfied with Luffy's performance.

He came in sparks and fireworks, and slid down the wall, his legs shaking. Luffy went down with him, grinning all the time.

"Did you like it, Traffy?" he absently licked his palm, stained with white. "Hmm… tastes weird," he made a face, "but I like it! This sex thing is really cool, Traffy! I want more!"

The only thing Law wanted now was to sleep. Maybe he was getting older… But Luffy attacked him with rapidfire kisses, hands roaming all over his body, and gradually Law found himself to be up for Strawhat's suggestion.

"Wait—Strawhat, get yer hands off! Be still for a minute, will you? I'm going to show you something. I'm warning you in advance, no kicking!"

"Hmm? Ohhh, is it another way to have sex?" Luffy went full-on starry-eyed, as if Law was a giant robot shooting lasers from his ass. Law refused to feel flattered at the attention.

"Yes. I told you hands are the easiest, but this will feel much better."

He pushed Luffy down on the floor (there was a bed right here in the room, but a strange sense of urgency demanded that Law didn't waste a single second on trifles like making them both actually comfortable,) and finally got off Strawhat's ruined pants. Luffy eagerly spread his legs to accommodate Law, his cock already flushed and leaking. That reminded Law—Strawhat was still a teenager, with corresponding levels of sexual stamina. Just what was Law getting himself into?

He sighed and fatalistically put his mouth on Strawhat's dick.

Luffy jerked up—if Law didn't think ahead to hold his hips securely he'd be lobotomized—and let out a surprised, "Ahhh!"

Now, Law wasn't by any means a sex expert. While he liked it both ways he vastly preferred to… socialize with women, and he was far too concentrated on revenge to dally in relationships and other such stuff anyway. But it seemed his not-so-significant experience was enough to make Strawhat go wild.

Law idly wondered if his cabin was soundproof, because Luffy's screams probably woke up all the Sea Kings from five miles away. Luffy's fingers tangled in his hair and tightened, the pull hurting in an exciting way. Strawhat's body drawn taut and his legs crossed on Law's back, he babbled a litany of 'ahhh's, 'more's, and 'Traffy!'s. Law never particularly liked giving head, preferring to be the one being serviced, but he found the taste and the feel bearable, and the reaction more than exciting. The damn Strawhat somehow made him feel alive, got blood pumping through Law's veins. Law usually hated to lose control like that—but he loved feeling this heady rush, like he was walking on clouds. Nobody before made him feel like that. Strawhat… was really something else, with his thin wiry body and stupid grin and huge expressive eyes. He drove Law crazy like no-one else before.

He felt Luffy tense and pulled off, finishing him with his hand. Luffy came all over Law's chest and his own stomach, a few drops landing on Law's face, and just lay there limply, breathing heavily. His eyes were unfocused, the pupils blown wide.

"Wow," he said finally.

"Indeed," Law agreed smugly, cleaning himself off. He wasn't going to help Strawhat; he wasn't a maid, for fuck's sake, and he had already done more than enough to appease that insufferable brat.

Besides, Luffy looked kind of good prostrate on his floor, covered in sweat and come, clothed just in a shirt sliding off his shoulder.

Strawhat suddenly sat upright, his eyebrows drawn decisively.

"Traffy? Get here, I wanna do you too!"

Ah, Strawhat, ever enthusiastic. Law slightly feared he would try too hard and bite off his dick, but said part of his anatomy rather welcomed the prospect of being blown. Law sighed and gave in, frogmarching Strawhat to the bed. When it was his ass that would bear the suffering, Law was more than fine with taking some time to relocate from the hard wooden floor.

As soon as they were on the bed Luffy hastily swallowed him down like a particularly tasty treat. His excitement was… flattering, to say the least. Law never really enjoyed Strawhat's attention or friendliness much, but when he was being sucked like Strawhat was starving for his cock it felt more then nice. And, of course, Luffy with his oral fixation just had to be a natural at this. He was eager and slobbery, his chin already glistening with drool, and his mouth was hot and talented, and Law couldn't believe how deep Strawhat got his dick without so much a grimace of discomfort. He licked, and sucked, and hummed, and moaned, and if his technique completely lacked finesse he entirely made up for it with his sheer enthusiasm and inventiveness. He seemed especially fond of Law's balls; he rolled them on his tongue and sucked on them, lightly nipping on them with his teeth and mischievously glancing at Law, and Law came undone. Strawhat was a tornado; it was so easy to get sucked in, to lose yourself entirely, and Law didn't even want to fight it—not anymore. He gave up and let himself go.

When he came to, he felt Luffy draped all over him, coarse hair tickling his chest. There was come on Strawhat’s mouth; Luffy licked his lips and grinned at him. Law raised his hand (a simple movement that required a monumental effort on Law's part), and let his fingers card through Luffy's hair. He felt Strawhat's smile with his skin.

It seemed that sometimes, even Strawhat had great ideas.

* * *

Luffy's newly discovered passion for sex didn't go unnoticed by his crew. Mostly they just were relieved that Luffy now bothered them less thanks to his new distraction. The women ganged up on Law, though, and gave him the shovel talk, Nami threatening his balls with an untimely parting from his body while Nico Robin just smiled in a mysterious and vaguely demonic way; and finally Nami concluded her speech with, "And don't forget to close the door while you're doing the nasty!!" The men, on the contrary, were all terribly understanding and approving. The cyborg even tried to high-five him, at which Law raised a single eyebrow and patiently waited until the cyborg retracted his mechanical limb and slunk away.

As for Law, suddenly he had more sex than ever before. It was kind of tiring, and he didn't even have enough time to develop his plans. Every time he managed to get away and concentrate, Luffy found him wherever Law hid, and pounced on him with the tireless energy of a monstrously-powered teen. Whenever Law didn't have sex, he slept or ate to recover his energy. Dr. Chopper actually commended him for looking healthier.

Admittedly, it was true. Law had never felt better, or been in a better mood (bar the dissatisfaction with the lack of scheming in his life.) Sex with Luffy was addictive, and they didn't even go all the way yet. Luffy was amazingly responsive, and so very keen to please. It was like he feasted on Law's body, ravenous for Law's skin, and the feeling of being wanted this much made Law feel drunk on power. With Luffy, he felt like he was the single most important person in the world; being with Luffy was like sailing on the sea—sometimes dark, stormy and destructive, sometimes shining so bright under the sun that it hurt to look at it. Being with Luffy was always an adventure.

Law never liked it above the water; he felt comfortable in the confinement of his small submarine, in the dark of the deep. Luffy made him feel wary, out of his depth. Luffy also took his breath away, like no-one else ever could. Strawhat was a force of nature, easily swiping people into his pace, and once he set his mind on something no-one could stop him.

Right now, Luffy's mind was set on fucking the brains out of Trafalgar Law, and it was already safe to claim that the mission was a complete success.

But while Luffy seemed happy with hands and blowjobs, Law wanted more. He was reluctant to get this close to Strawhat—he was getting dangerously attached already—but what was life without a bit of risk? Law was a pirate, for fuck's sake, and pirates did reckless things (and got the booty, too, but Trafalgar was above such lowly jokes.) And Luffy was rubber, which opened up some interesting possibilities.

So when one starry night Luffy dragged him away from the deck and to Trafalgar's room (which everybody now referred to as "the captains' cabin"), Law stopped Strawhat’s further ministrations (it wasn't easy. Law had to pinch Luffy's nose between his fingers to obtain the desired result, and even in such a predicament, the mule-headed Strawhat kept trying to reach Trafalgar's mouth with his own stretchy lips in between 'ow's, which was definitely not a sight for the weak at heart,) and gravely told him:

"Strawhat. Oi, Strawhat, stop that. You want me to tie your nose in a bow? Good, now listen. It's time we tried something different…"

"What, 'the most common way' you were talking about back then?" Luffy interrupted, his eyes lighting up like beacons. If Law thought Strawhat was eager before… He tightened his hold on Strawhat's nose and wondered why Strawhat never brought it up. Law had been genuinely convinced Luffy forgot all about their conversation, but apparently he remembered. Strawhat was a mystery in so many ways.

Law let him go, and Luffy instantly attacked him with lips and hands, hips jerking up to meet Trafalgar's, and Law didn't stop him. To be fair, he didn't particularly want to. Sometimes it felt good to just go along with Luffy's pace.

When Luffy was flushed and breathless, he drew back and demanded:

"Tell me what to do."

"Just lie down," Law smirked. He was _so_ going to take care of Strawhat nice and proper.

He arranged Luffy on the bed to his liking, every golden inch of him on display, and took his time preparing him. It wasn't really necessary—Luffy easily stretched around his fingers, tight but pliable. Law imagined how Luffy would feel around him, fitting him like he was made specially for Law. The thought made him hazy, and Luffy's moans and sighs were headier then sake. Law felt drunk already, and they had barely started.

Apparently Luffy didn't feel any pain or discomfort, which would be inevitable for a regular man, or even someone with a less convenient Devil Fruit. Unfortunately, Law didn't have much experience with anal sex, but he was a doctor and a schemer; he knew human body, knew what made people tick, and he knew exactly how to get Strawhat to _howl_.

Luffy came, clenching down on his fingers, and lay there panting, face flushed and eyes a bottomless black. Law covered his mouth with his lips, and Luffy for once didn't try to take over the kiss, just lying there and letting Law take the lead. He opened his lips for Law and let him in, eyes cloudy and body pliant, and raised his hands to press Law closer.

It felt better than winning a battle; better than taking a heart out of someone's chest, better than fixing it and putting it back. The feeling was so intense it scared Law and nearly made him draw back—but Luffy wouldn't let him. He clung tightly and kissed hungrily, like Law was the only thing he wanted in the world, and Law gave up.

It seemed like for him there was no getting out of this… alliance. Hadn't Luffy told him that it was over when he said so? Well, Trafalgar would have to see to it that their alliance lasted for a long, long time.

He kissed Luffy for the last time, lips barely brushing lips in the lightest of touches, and slid in.

He had to stop midway and close his eyes, clenching the sheets in his fists, to stop himself from coming. Somehow he knew Luffy was watching him. Law breathed deeply and evenly for half a minute or so, and opened his eyes.

Luffy smiled at him, wide and challenging, and pushed his hips forward, meeting Law's thrust halfway. Law knew this couldn't last very long; he wanted this too much, wanted Luffy too much, and Luffy was too impatient and greedy to make this last. His arms stretched towards Law, and Law found himself tightly bound in a rubber snake-like embrace, his lips hovering just inches from Strawhat's.

"C'mon, Traffy," Strawhat demanded. "What are you waiting for?"

"Tsk, so impatient," Law reprimanded. He moved experimentally. Luffy hissed and bit his lower lip, pushing against him, fucking himself on Law's dick.

"Move it, your lazy ass!" he all but screamed. His eyes were feral, his teeth and lips red with Law's blood, and Law finally lost it.

He didn't remember much after that, but the deep scratches on his back proved that a good time was had by all. He was so exhausted he didn't even pull out before falling asleep, which proved convenient when Luffy shook him awake in the middle of the night and demanded a second go.

* * *

Strawhat was shameless. There was no shame in Strawhat's soul. What on Earth did Law do to deserve this.

Luffy was sitting on him licking his chest, which wasn't the problem and felt as hot as ever. The issue was with the setting. Apparently no-one ever taught Luffy it was socially inappropriate to have sex on the deck of the ship, in broad daylight, amidst the scandalized crewmembers.

"Get a fucking room!!" Nami finally screeched, going from speechless to enraged in a matter of nanoseconds. Luffy didn't pay her any attention.

"Hey Traffy, what's the matter? Let's have sex!" he pouted.

"Not in the middle of the deck," Law ground out. They seriously had to relocate their asses as far from Nami's high-heeled shoes and as soon as possible. The fact that Law suspected he would have trouble walking due to Luffy's attentions added even more gravity to the situation.

"Why?" Luffy tilted his head and blinked, the perfect picture of innocence.

"Your crewmates are watching!"

"Eh? They can totally join," Luffy grinned. Silence fell.

Law felt sick. If he had to diagnose himself his verdict would be 'a severe condition of facepalming all the damn time, with potentially lethal levels of embarrassment'.

"SUUUUPER!" the cyborg finally yelled, adopting his strange pose. He seemed to be the only one who was down for the idea; everybody else, save for Nico, had their jaws in various levels of proximity to the floor. Nico chuckled. Law wanted to scream. The cyborg waggled his eyebrows in the general direction of Nami and/or Sanji, and got two symmetrical lumps on his metal head for his efforts, combined with a double screech, "Pervert!"

Apparently he thought it was some kind of a compliment. Law didn't want to examine that further. He got up and dragged Luffy by his ankle away to their cabin, where he explained in detail the notions of privacy and personal life. By the end of his explanation Luffy was shuddering and breathless, begging for Law's cock. Law deemed the study session a success and slid home with the feeling of great satisfaction.

But apparently, there was an important aspect their session didn't cover. Law learned that the hard way, when a gothic-looking ship crossed their way on the sea and a familiar mop of red hair caught his eye.

"Hey Kid, what's up?" Luffy waved. He seemed happy to see their old rival. But then again, everybody who wasn't Doflamingo, Akainu, or Blackbeard was a friend in his book.

"The usual. You?" Kid drawled.

"Great! Let's have sex!"

Law choked. Kid seemed to share the sentiment.

"The fuck was that?" he wheezed after he was done coughing.

"I like you. Let's have sex!" That clueless big-eyed look again. Never in his life had Law wanted that much to cut off Luffy's head and stuff it up his ass.

"Strawhat, I'm going to tell you something very important that you should always remember," he said calmly. Kid and Nami warily looked at him. Long-Nose hid behind Nico's skirt (which was tiny and therefore not much of a protection.) "If you are dating someone, you don't have sex with anyone else. Ever."

"Eh? Are we dating?" Luffy picked his nose.

"Yes," Law answered with an impenetrable face, feeling kind of shaky inside.

"Cool! Wait, does that mean I don't get to have sex with Kid? And Smokey, and Jinbei?" ( _What,_ Law thought.)

"Yes," he ground out.

"Eeeeeh? Well, Law's better anyway," Luffy nodded and grinned so widely it hurt Law to look at that smile. Law frowned and looked away, feeling strangely happy.

"What? I'll show you better!" Kid roared and made a move towards their ship with unclear intentions.

Law instantly teleported him and his ship so far away that even Long-Nose couldn't see them, and ordered the cyborg to use Coup de Burst for good measure. "Aye, aye, Mrs. Captain," the cyborg said, which cost him a few hours of being in a disassembled state. Somehow he seemed to think it was entertaining, to Law's further chagrin.

The problem with Kid turned out to be not so easily solved, though. The man could be as stubborn as Luffy, and Luffy was the pink and paragon, as far as stubbornness came. It took Law a lot of time and effort to get rid of the damn punk. In this case, Law absolutely didn't appreciate any competition.

* * *

Their days together would soon be over, and Law would be reunited with his own crew. The thought of seeing them again made him smile; the thought of being alone without Luffy made something inside him ache dully, a phantom pain of a limb not yet cut off. Luffy just laughed, ate, and kissed him until there was nothing left in the world but the two of them in their small cabin, lost in each other. Sometimes it hurt Law to see the smile on Luffy's face, as if the prospect of parting didn't worry him at all.

But now Law knew Strawhat better, with both his remarkable idiocy and his strange wisdom. Luffy must have known better than anyone else that eventually, the time to say goodbye would come. But for now, they were together, and it was all that mattered for him.

So Law let himself learn something from his unlikely ally, and just enjoy this party under the stars, forgetting about everything else.

He watched Luffy laugh and stuff his cheeks like a chipmunk. Strawhat looked ridiculous, as usual. Law didn't even notice his own tiny smile until he heard footsteps behind him. He was instantly on guard, the smile gone from his face.

"You're just smitten, aren't you? Standing here like that, watching him… Big bad Law, pussy-whipped like nobody's business," Nami grinned. She didn't look angry, and Law honestly didn't care even if she was.

"There's something about him that makes him hard to resist," he admitted. Not that he'd ever say anything like that to Strawhat out loud.

"Tell me about it. Still, I'd have thought you were too much of a cold-ass bastard for that. How did you even fall for him?"

Law shrugged:

"I must have tripped."

Luffy's laughter rang loud across the deck, and in the blink of an eye Law spied an airborne, grinning Strawhat speeding directly into him.

"TRAFFFFYYYY!!"

BAM. Slap. Kick. Whine. Sigh. Giggle. Smack.

Just another day in the life of a much-feared pirate alliance.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write some silly crack before I go back to teh Donquixote wangst, sue me. :D Title borrowed from a beautiful song _Love in the Middle of a Firefight_ by Dillon Francis and Brendon Urie. This ship sorta feels very Dillon Francis for me for some reason. Another song I listened to while writing this fic is _Drunk All the Time_ by DF and Simon Lord (gotta love his voice.) What can I say, I love me some Dilly Vanilly.
> 
> I know the translation of the frame where Luffy calls Law his 'nakama'/'friend' is controversial, but I chose the former version for the sake of le feels. A girl can dream, right? Right? :(
> 
> Also I feel sorta obliged to point out that the author (i.e., me) doesn't necessarily share Law's views on LuNa pairing. Tbh, I think it's a perfectly awesome ship, and I love it very very much. But alas, Law just doesn't share the sentiment for some reason. :(


End file.
